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Hello world!

amyd76 — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:54:59 +0000

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

It’s A Long Story- Part 4

amyd76 — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:43:00 +0000

If you’ve read this post, this post, this post, and this information, then you know what I was living with. Ok…Isabella Sunshine had finally made her way into this world and I was instantly in love with her. Problem was…I didn’t like my husband, didn’t like my life, and didn’t want anyone to know. Isabella was quite the difficult baby. She was colicky (sp?)…alot. So…take “him”, major financial issues (guess why), the fact that our landlord was going to remodel the house and we had to move out so we were moving in with his parents in a few weeks and I had to pack up all the stuff, a very unhappy baby (she knew what was up), and add in some postpartum depression, and you’ve got one mess of me. Yay. It was horrible. And I was going back to work the day after we move. When Isabella was 5 weeks old. Because we couldn’t afford me taking one more day off. Why? Because he spent most of our money on drugs. Double yay.
When I look back on those first 5 weeks with Isabella, I am so sad. It was supposed to be a sweet, happy time, and as much as I love her (and loved her then), it wasn’t happy. We were getting by. Barely. I savored every moment that I spent in WV with my family without him. I wanted so badly to stay. And I should have. But I didn’t. Why? I really don’t know. I was delusional I guess. I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would work out. EHHHHHH! Wrong answer!
So, we move into a room on the second floor of his mom and dad’s house. Mind you, his dad is an alcoholic and him mom is confined to a wheelchair. Great. It was almost summer and I would be off for the summer (with the exception of a couple grad classes I was taking).
My first summer as a mother, I spent holed up in a room, trying to avoid him, his mom and dad, his sisters, and anyone else. I just wanted it all to go away.

Song of the Week

amyd76 — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 04:22:00 +0000

This evening, I had a girl’s night out with my mom. We went to a local production of the musical Grease, done by the Charleston Light Opera Guild, at the Clay Center. It was a great production and it got me in the mood to watch the movie for the hundred billionth time! Anyway, I thought it would be cool to use one of the songs as my song of the week. So…get your hands ready to Hand Jive!! (baby)

Profile

amyd76 — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 02:10:00 +0000

So I changed my profile picture. I used the one of the eyes (obviously) because that was my fave. I like the whole face idea, but my smile looked just a tad too fake for me. So…there you have it.

Me, Up Close

amyd76 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:54:00 +0000

I took some pictures of myself today and I’ve been playing with them using my Picasa account. One of them, maybe, will become my new profile picture. Which one do you like, if any?

Song of the Week

amyd76 — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 01:51:00 +0000

This is a song from a band I was IN LOVE WITH in about 1995 (or 96)!! I still have the CD, I know every song, and isn’t Tim DeLaughter just the cutest thing you ever did see?? It’s Tripping Daisy with a little interview and then the video for I Got A Girl. LOVE IT!

Ummm…and, if I remember correctly, my hair was that same color (almost). Mine was a tad darker. Those were the days, huh??

Slow Down Some Already

amyd76 — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 01:30:00 +0000

For fast acting relief,

try slowing down.

-Lily Tomlin

I read this on another blog today and it just stuck with me. Like glue.
We’ve been running ourselves ragged here lately. Sound familiar? I’m guessing that many people can say the same. We have got to slow down. Majorly. Sorta.

Last week we had a VERY busy week. We went nonstop, 4 days in a row, leaving our house at 6:45 AM and not getting home until nighttime. That makes for a long day, a cranky kid, cranky mommy, and exhaustion. The weekend wasn’t any better. Long days and not a lot of rest. Isabella and I were together more last week that we usually are during the school year, yet we spent less time really together. I was busy. She was busy. We. Were. Busy.

Yesterday morning I was walking out to my car to go to work and had a thought. “My life is chaos right now.” Now, it’s not chaotic like one may think. I don’t have lots of drama with my relationships. I don’t have 6 kids who all have to be somewhere different at the same time. BUT…
my house is an unorganized wreck, my car is disgusting (inside and out), I’m irritable, I feel overwhelmed at work and home. I yell at my kid. Yell at my kid?? Over things that don’t constitute raising my voice. That is where I draw the line.
I have got to get my act together. And soon.

Plan A: Slowly and surely de-junk my house, clean it from top to bottom, same with the car, a little part every day. When Isabella is making me a little nuts, which she does, I will take a deep breath, and talk to her. That’s what I do with my students, so why haven’t I been doing it with my own kid? Beats me. I will slow down. I will. I will. I will. I have to. Why? Here’s my reason…

OK. I’m off to do my one part of the house right now.

PS- There is no plan B. Plan A has got to work.

It’s a Long Story Part 3

amyd76 — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:14:00 +0000

Ok, back to the story. If you’re new or have forgotten, here are links to Part 1 and Part 2.
I think last time I left off at Thanksgiving Rehab. Christmas came and went. The time I spent at my mom and dad’s was good, but other than that, notsomuch. I made preparations for the baby. I put the crib together all by myself. (I’m good like that) When we went to find out the sex of the baby (I had to pretty much force him to agree to come), he made us an hour late (doing something with drugs or friends or whatever), the ultrasound tech scolded me big time, I was embarrassed. The experience, which is supposed to be happy and exciting, ended up being bad. Although it was bad, OF COURSE I was happy to see my baby and know that SHE was doing well in there.
Months drug on while I got bigger and swollen. He was an ass. He was gone most of the time (which was good, b/c I couldn’t stand him, but awful b/c I was alone). This time for me is kind of blurry. I remember doing things, going to work, having baby showers, etc…but it’s kind of like it happened to someone else and I was just watching. Make sense? Is that a coping mechanism? I don’t know. Anyway, my due date came and went. I was due March 12. FINALLY, the doctor agreed to induce me on the
21st if I hadn’t gone into labor by then. I had contractions for a week, but nothing. So, that takes us to the hospital…
I went in at 5am. I was hooked up to the pitocin drip by 6am. Contractions started to get bad. HE decided to go run an errand sometime during the morning. He was gone for a very long time. I think my poor brother went along. (sorry Michael) I think breakfast at Denny’s was involved. I’m not sure. My water broke around 10. He wasn’t there- but my dad and mom were. So that’s good. My contractions were getting VERY bad. I was having back labor. I was given some medication that made me feel drunk. I got an epidural that only took on one side. I had no birth plan whatsoever. I was unaware that what I wanted was an option. I don’t remember alot about the whole day. At 6:00pm I started pushing. I don’t know that I was ready, but the nurse told me it was time, so I did. I pushed for 4 hours and 43 minutes! Not labor folks. PUSHING!!! It was hell. Really. After 4 hours the doctor told me that Isabella was face up instead of face down, causing the back labor and difficulty delivering. He told me that if I hadn’t delivered within 30 minutes, he would have to do a c section. I guess I made some progress & he used the suction, and after 43 minutes, Isabella was born. Oh, I forgot to mention that while I was pushing (and nauseous) HE ate french fries beside me. He also told me that I wasn’t pushing or working hard enough. Ummm OK, ASSHOLE! (pardon the language) The doctor actually told him that if he didn’t shut up he was going to make him leave.
Back to the baby. She had pooped in the birth canal, so I didn’t get to hold her for an hour. They upped my epidural to do my stitches, I was shaking, one of my eyes was completely swollen shut. I was a mess.

The First Day of Kindergarten Morning

amyd76 — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:47:00 +0000

She started out sleeping in her closet- a now favorite place to be.

And she ended up in my bed around 4 AM. (which was good BTW, cause I missed her

Around 6:30, she was ready to rock and roll!

And finally… breakfast! Yum! Cheerios!!! Like a big girl!! In Kindergarten!!

She loves her teacher and being at school!
I love that we are in the same building!
Yay!!

No Sleep and the Song of the Week

amyd76 — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:03:00 +0000

Well, it’s 10:05pm on the night before the 1st day of school. Isabella may or may not be asleep yet. She is very excited. She started out in my bed, asked to get more Junie B. Jones books (in addition to the one we read at bedtime), got up to show me something VERY important, puckered up and shed a few tears because she loves Wall e, and finally asked to sleep in her closet. So…that may be where she is now. She likes it in there. This picture is from last week.

And…for the song of the week. I thought since school starts for us tomorrow, I should have an “educational” song. So…we’re kickin’ it old school this week! It’s the Reading Rainbow song!!!

This song holds a special memory for me. It makes me think of summer evenings, watching the show with Michael after spending the whole day at the pool, being soooooo tired (but that kind of tired felt sooooo good), fresh tomatoes and cucumbers with salt and pepper with our dinner, and smelling burgers cooking on the grill.